time moves to quick

It seems like yesterday that it was the 1980s/early 1990s and I was chugging slimmers Hi-c Ecto coolers with my friends while running around pretending to be He-Man ,

with a stick for my sword

and a trash can lid for a shield My grand parents yard the landscape of ancient eternia…. Jump forward several years and there is no longer hi-c Ecto cooler yet

i’m still pretendi

ng to be he-man ,wrestling other pretend He-men in mock combat at the local wrestling gym . times change but certain things remain.

I've been and done so much in my relatively short life I've been on TV ,Made comic books, been in movies , on radio ,slept with more women than i can count been interviewed in news papers and magazines . Life has been good but i still haven’t done enough still haven’t proved what i can do ,still haven’t shown the world what I’m capable of.

I've attained a level of local fame (perhaps infamy ) in my home town . people recognize me on the street that I've never met it’s not enough it’s never enough .

time is passing by and every day i fear it’ll run out , that the word will never properly acknowledge my greatness .Wannabes waste my time with with make believe scenarios, projects that will never happen and second hand goals while i go out and achieve my dreams but time I can not beat and death shall eventually be my defeat.

I met up with a female friend the other day at her college . She’s young and she’s some what attractive and smart as can be , I think she might be one of my best friends . We decide to go to the mall while there I saw our reflection in the mirror . I instantly got overwhelmingly depressed . I thought to my self I must look so old to her . I used to be handsome not model handsome or movie star handsome but a pretty good looking guy . I’m not that old still under thirty just beginning life really but it was another reminder of how time is catching up to me . My nose is bigger , my teeth no longer gleam ,crows feet ,and I’ve a slight double chin

this isn’t the Chris i remember just a stranger looking at me from the mirror . life is passing me ….

after wards i hit the gym this guy beating me good… welts cover my chest i do not notice or care… pain is a welcome old friend who reminds me of my child hood . I’m becoming more and more detached .

Long ago I accepted that to achieve my goals that i’d have to neglect my personal relationships . I would not have time for friends ,family or lovers(maybe time for love making ) .

I decided I’d never have children or be married i would just chase the dreams of my child hood . In this time I've dated literally hundreds of women I can not say

I was emotionally close to any of them . I remember a girl that for the summer all we did was make love and eat ice cream .How i miss my youthful exuberance .

I remember each girls kiss , the warmth of their hands ,the shape of their bodies, the way the smelled so vividly even if now their names escape me but not one was i ever in love with .

It use to worry me that i had never fallen in love , most people have their first loves when barely out of elementary school . I’d lay awake at night

wondering why i seemed incapable of romantic feelings if something was wrong with me i often wonder if i can make real emotional connections to any one . I still wonder but a new question has arisen why has no one ever been in love with me ? sure girls have been attracted to me even liked me but never been in love with me . with two and a half decades of existence shouldn't some one have been ?

I’m a handsome , hard working ,athletic and Accomplished young man who knows how to get money . have i sacrificed my personal relationships for more material goods only to be left an empty soulless husk of a man ? no friends, no family , no lovers and no one to pass on the perguidi name ? has time finally ran out ……… or do i perhaps have some greater destiny ahead of me only time will tell